Well here lately, I have received so much help from God. Lamentations 3:22&23 Says " It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning : great is thy faithfulness." I have held this scripture so tight in my heart; because it is so true. As of late, I've reclaimed an old hobby of reading and thru this traveled to the wonderful world of parenting books....Wow- there are a lot of those! I've tried to make careful selections and only read authors that I know , in my opinion, have a right biblical perspective. In reading these books, on the blessing of raising little girls, I've been confronted with my own -ever so lingering past ( you know that lovely tool that the devil likes to use at prime moments of doubt and regretful thinking.)
These books, which I thought were harmless, drudged up so many hurtful memories to the point I was really depressed. It is no secret - to those who know me that my Mother and I have a somewhat tumultuous relationship. There is just no reason to hide this or sugar-coat.( I write this blog to get out feelings and situations that I hope thru my experience will help others - so I'm no going to make this off limits just b/c it's family)- my slight disclaimer ~ So despite the good intentions of my reading- it really hurt me! I began to dwell on circumstances that surrounded my life as an adolescent and and early teen and saw a lot of things that really bothered me- Even though at the time I accepted them as cool behavior and even modeled those characteristics; Now that I have girls of my own I work hard at insuring they don't make the mistakes and spiritual blunders that I made.
I began to have to deal with feelings that I had pushed down for so long. Even though I knew since my Salvation, all these things were covered by the Blood of Jesus, I had never really dealt with them. A great pillar of encouragement in my life,explained to me that I simply needed to heal from these wounds and that with the Lord's help it is possible,but it could take some time. You know up until that point I had never really viewed my self as wounded. I started to look at things in a new light.
If you are like myself over the years you've always heard - you just have to shut that door and move on- It's been forgiven so quit dwelling on it. Which is completely true! However, how do you handle those times when moments seem so real to you and the hurt is like your back in that situation? This applies to any one who has a past or who has been hurt.
After a eyeopening message by our pastor that Sunday, I began to look at that closed door a little differently. The message was about being hurt and wronged by someone and how despite our nature of wanting to wrong that person back, we should have the heart of Jesus and forgive - because in the great scheme of things God has forgiven us of so much more and does it daily.....I know... pretty awesome view right?
I found the gift of forgiveness that morning. The fact that I could forgive myself and others and Do it with the right heart - not just because I'm a Christian and had too! I have closed the door to my past. However, I like to think of that door as a screen or glass door... One that closes but you can still look thru and see the other side. Not because I want to dwell there or look on it - but because I want to learn from it. I want to use it as a tool in my future!
This verse really jumped at me this week! Isaiah 43:1"....Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name, thou art mine." Isn't it precious how Christ redeems us and is truly our Father. Just like with our own children ,no matter how they falter, we love them, pick them up and remind them they are our babies. This is exactly what this verse did for me! I just want to praise God for renewing his mercies daily in me and most of all for being my heavenly Father.
Hope this will bless you and perhaps remind you of how much you are loved by Christ- So Much that he died on the cross for your sins! God Bless!
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